Shopping for pants is not so dissimilar from eating a live octopus. Especially in May. May is a month that people shouldn't be born in. Trust me. My brother was born then. It is a timeless month that feels like having throat cancer if your living in the American southwest. On another note, I feel like chanting some absurd phrase over and over again for the course of a day. No Breathing if possible. If Breathing, Eating, Shitting, & Pissing were not part of our day, we could all be President of our own country. We could invade each other. But not with weapons. We would play Risk or Chutes and Ladders. Or maybe settle difference with Rock-Paper-Scissors. It is more Humane.