Being almost Thirty is the new 15. No Lie. Today I was trapped in a room with unsheathed Permanent markers, capitalizing words unnecessarily. I know you feel sorry for me. Don't. I once had a gerbil that was possessed by the devil. I didn't feel sorry for him. Cinnamon, that was his name. I envied him. When he floated in his glass cage, I thought about how great it must be to not be in control. Jesus, isn't smart enough to be my friend. He probably wore patchouli and hemp chokers. My satan-possessed gerbil was special. Though, uncredited he started the Altoids Campaign. -- -- Bladder full.