scrumdiddlyumptious

Completely fictional account of events that never unfolded at a local Borders bookstore:

INT. BORDERS - AFTERNOON
Near the self-help Stacks.

JOHN DOE
I'll bet your vagina is tingling, seein' as your so close to me.

JANE DOE
Do you ever read Chekhov?

JOHN DOE
I want to feel up your fallopian tubes.

JANE DOE
I'm really into classical music.

JOHN DOE
You have great mammlian glands.

JANE DOE
Especially the Baroque period.

JOHN DOE
Oh... You're on your period.

JANE DOE
What about Kafka? You like him?

JOHN DOE
Well, I guess I can deal with menstrual blood.

The bookshelf suddenly falls over. Copies of "I'm OK, You're OK" and "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" shower down impaling everyone in the vicinity. Well, maybe not impaling. But definitely papercutting patrons to their death. Blood fills the instructional wing of Borders.

JANE DOE
I could really go for some Tiramisu right now!